15.06.01 - 2:57 p.m.
updating a lot because I'm on the web all day. window in constant flux. I surf with fervor, seeking out stories and people and odd bits of phrase-- jerry springer episode titles or whatever catches eye. difference #431 between AndyK and me: i would like to be professional web surfer, he would like to be professional surfer.
i find esoteric sexy. i am attracted to absurdity. i don't know how it developed but at this point it is who i am. all the traits of my personality somehow formed and solidified, it was parents and weather and school and chance encounter & haphazard circumstance. i have formed like a shell on the beach or a coral reef. i have opinions & ideas that can't be explained; my inclinations are first causes, they are like sexual desire & which street you go down in a unknown city on a rainy night when there is no criteria for deciding save a feeling or a guess.
randomness is very hard to obtain. in cs random number generators have to be seeded, but i dont know what the equivalent concept is for people. you are incapable of producing a stream of truly random numbers. if you try, you produce the appearance of random numbers, 1,4,52,2,1,2,3,4,5,32,2, but if you analyze these numbers there will be patterns, it will be clear that they don't observe a uniform distribution. we are not very random most of the time. routines & rhythms rule our days. i like absurdity because it is an attempt to break free.
Fulton St last night, i drank too much. I have been drinking too much. shawn was like the devil on my left shoulder. on my right shoulder, there was nobody. imagine the conan o brian skit where the devil appears on his left and this guy in a bear suit appears on his right, and the devil keeps telling conan to do bad things and the bear keeps talking about berries and grubs. "berries and grubs are a good source of protein!" and the devil's like "uh... don't listen to the bear, conan!"
met joy & ?peter? from shawn's work. they both seemed cool. joy's birthday party is tomorrow, i might go to that if i'm in SF and i can drag somebody else with me. i refuse to fly solo at parties where i dont know anybody, but i like meeting new people. i guess i am staking out a claim opposite to urvish's people-at-parties-as-scenery. although sometimes i feel that way too.
here is why fulton street is a good bar
1. jukebox has pavement
2. pool table is available
that's really all you need
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