Journal of Pirate Lingo*


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* not an actual journal
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04.14.02 - 6:16 p.m.

A Tale of Bloody Knees

Warning: contains picture of bloody knees. Viewer discretion is advised.

I was doing my morning run the other day, and about two thirds of the way through I decided to run backwards for a change of pace. It works the calves more. So I chose a one-way street and ran backwards, the idea being that I was facing traffic and would therefore see any oncoming cars. I'd checked the road behind me and it was all clear.

Eventually I built up a pretty good pace, and was barreling in reverse at full speed, when suddenly I slammed into a car. It had apparently pulled out of a driveway and was idling in the road. I backflipped over the car and landed on the asphalt. The collision produced a comically loud sound. BONK. It sounded like it had been dubbed in by a Hollywood FX person. I laid on the ground for a minute, laughing. I felt like I was in an Adam Sandler movie.

The lady in the car had a horrified look of concern on her face. "I was parked!" she stammered, waving her hands to stave off any potential lawsuits I might be contemplating. I ignored the increasing pain in my knees and put on a bright cheery smile. "No no, my fault, just a scratch, don't worry about it," I said, and I hobbled off.

fig a: knees. (have you tried taking a picture of your knees? it's not easy)

I was still pretty far from home, so what could I do? I started running again. Whenever I saw people on the sidewalk, I crossed over to the other side of the street, because I thought they might be a tad freaked out by the sight of a haggard, sweaty individual running haphazardly and bleeding from the knees.

Eventually the bleeding stopped. No lasting damage-- just skinned em a bit. The moral of this story is, don't run backwards in the middle of a street without looking behind you as you run.

(Sadly, that is perhaps the most insightful comment I have ever made in this journal.)

fig b: at least i didn't land on my face. (no comments from the peanut gallery, please)

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