02.03.03 - 4:48 p.m.

Slapdash Review Korner

Special "Predatory Drugs" Edition

Ok, so try not to take drinks or substances from strangers kids. Everything that follows assumes that you know what you have and you're doing it with friends in a reasonably safe setting.

Rohypnol: 3

I've never tried rohypnol (aka "roofies") but it is the infamous date rape drug. I don't know what its recreational effects are, but a cursory search through the inter-net reveals lots of fascinating details. Unfortunately I am too lazy to look up those details, so let's move on.

GHB: 6

I've only tried GHB once, at Burning Man. GHB is a clear liquid that's difficult to dose properly without an eyedropper. We ended up mixing it with water, because it has a HELLACIOUSLY bad taste. I don't know if mixing with water is required or just recommended, but trust me: much like Red Bull, you don't want the putrid taste of GHB in your mouth any longer than necessary. As for what it does, it's hard for me to say really, because I was also on 2-cb and there were 30,000 crazy people dancing around a bonfire with stilts and fireworks and motorized sharks everywhere. I would say the gestalt was pretty good.

Ketamine: 6

Ketamine is an animal tranquilizer. Some people, when they hear this, say things like "animal tranquilizer? why would I want to take that?" I, on the other hand, think "animal tranquilizer? where can I get that?" It reminds me of that Simpsons where Homer gets an offer to join a traveling freakshow.

Marge: "Homer, just because you were invited to join a freak show doesn't mean you have to!"
Homer (staring blankly): "You know Marge... in some ways you and I are very different people."

Ketamine is another drug I've only tried once, again at Burning Man. (I know I know, I'm grossly unqualified to write these reviews. Well feel free to step up to the plate yourself, Mr. or Mrs. Fancypants Drugsalot.) It's the only thing I've ever snorted. You really do get that gross nasal drip, but aside from that snorting isn't so bad. As for what it does, we were riding through the vast flat desert in the middle of the night in a moon-mobile, surrounded by giant boomboxes and thunderdomes and luminescent tigers, so who knows. I thought it would make me feel all woozy and light-headed, like a bag of bones, but if anything it added some pep to my step. Your mileage may vary.

Ecstasy: 9

Oooooh ecstasy is great. Everybody should try it at least once. People go on about how nice it is to dance to good music when rolling, and how good it feels to touch and be touched, and those things are certainly true, but my favorite aspect of ecstasy is the way it drops my social inhibitions. It does this in a lucid way that's very different from alcohol. Ecstasy is like a mixture of love serum and truth serum. I can talk to anyone, and usually they talk back. Your head feels like it's soaring, soaring, soaring. On the downside, the comedown is cold and not so much fun, and the next day you always question how real your interactions were. Answer: usually not very, but sometimes very. It can change your life, if only by dint of its tongue-loosening capacities. You may tell someone something you've always believed but never said, or vice-versa. Of course, you may make an ass of yourself, but that's the risk you take.

I guess I'll gradually phase it out of my life, because it's emotionally taxing and it grows less dramatic with time. But oh, the times were great!

Top Five Ecstasy Experiences

1. Halloween boat party
2. MOMA party
3. Chris & Tirza's wedding
4. New Year's in Genoa
5. Josh Wink @ Velvet Room. Not his biggest fan but he can work a crowd. The Velvet Room was one of my favorite clubs, and that was the last time I ever went. Smiles on everybody's faces, sounds that felt like a massage. We danced until the lights came on. Afterwards, walked to Trafalgar Square to wait for the nightbus. It was 4AM. The square was eerily free of pigeons and tourists. We climbed up on one of the giant lions and sat there looking up at the stars. I still remember that night, and have wondered about magic long since.