Journal of Pirate Lingo*


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* not an actual journal
of pirate lingo

30.04.01 - 8:02 p.m.

Went to this avant-garde dance performance last friday, in PA. There's this pattern in my life where, whenever I'm hanging out with new people for the first time, the event we go to (which, inevitably, I've chosen & hyped as the Feel Good hit of the summer) turns out to be horrible and difficult. With AndyK it was Betalounge on a particularly impenetrable glitch musik night. With Seema's friends it was this dance thing. I knew it was going to be modern, but not how modern. There was no music or rhythm-- just a periodic BLARING noise (like an air horn) that jangled our nerves and made the smaller children in the audience cry. The noise would start, stop, start, stop, seemingly at random, and this continued for the entire performance. As for the dancing, it looked like a cross between SNL Sprockets and the aftermath of a car crash. Dazed, confused, clutching headwounds, unnecessary pirouettes and uncertain turns... moaning...

It went on for damn near an hour but I'm sure it took at least a week off my life. The worst part is, now Seema's friends are going to think of me as the Horrible Dance Performance guy. Unless I invite them to a pay-per-view WWF smackdown... and I provide fried appetizers of some kind... ok so redemption is within reach.

People are going stir-crazy here at work. We been here 4 hour.


andy's gotten hold of a dart gun. o god, that one nearly pegged me in the face!! What did churchill say. "there is no feeling more exhilirating then to be shot at without effect"

I can't believe how little I got done today. I literally can't believe it. Is it possible? Didn't I at least accidentally accomplish something? Like maybe when I fell asleep my head banged onto the keyboard and... no.

I saw this movie "Suburbia" that was unredeemable in every aspect save one. One of the surly male characters has a tattoo that says "TCB", and when Parker Posey asks what it stands for he grunts, "Takin Care of Business!"


1. head out of here & go to a late-night tattoo parlor (preferably one that is well-lit and there's like tattoo licenses and certificates and pictures of healthy looking satisfied customers on the wall) and get "TCB" tattooed on my left bicep

2. put some ice on it & go to bed

3. wake up, remove ice

4. immediately begin staring at left bicep until i feel SUPERCHARGED and fitter, happier, more productive

5. come into work and wreck shop

Off I go

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