24.10.01 - 4:15 a.m.

Blues, blues.

Dinner at Dana's yesterday-- all hail Indie Rock Mom!

She showed me these bowls from when she used to do ceramics
We played my Hall & Oates on her record player
She made vegetable soup with brussels sprouts, apple crisp and salad
She's a sweetie

Dinner with Alex & Alice tonight

We ate Thai food
We failed to defeat Megaman X
They helped me get the pictures off my camera

Wall in the mission district

I'm getting high every night. I think I am just stressing in multiple directions, between saying goodbye to everybody and breaking up with A. and getting ready to leave.

In the days before any departure, I begin to feel a frantic desire to do nothing. I behave as though days are endless. I act as though I weren't going. This denial is both fear of the unknown and a desire not to open my eyes till the rollercoaster climbs to the top.

When I start thinking about rollercoasters climbing and plunging, I hesitate to write it because it sounds melodramatic. But I am trying harder to abandon pretense and say what I feel, because my distaste for melodrama is exceeded only by my fear that it conceals an inability to express (or even experience) real emotions or feelings.

I AM FEELING CONFUSED AND NERVOUS AND SAD!

ALSO HUNGRY!

Haha, it's almost 4:20.