Journal of Pirate Lingo*


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* not an actual journal
of pirate lingo

04.12.02 - 9:09 a.m.

For the purposes of those unfortunates who come to this page seeking short-order cook lingo or actual pirate lingo*, I will now give you a little of both.


(excerpted from this site, which seems to be the authoritative source on this subject)
a hurried, partial careen

brought a spring upon her cable
came round in a different direction (haha, even the definition sounds saucy)

a dish of chopped meat, eggs, anchovies, onions, etc.; a pirate favorite. "actually, guys, i'm vegan. could i just have a salad?" this leads rather nicely to

walk the plank
a method of disposing of prisoners at sea; popular belief to the contrary it was not a usual practice among pirates

a light rowing boat, used in inland waters and zzzzzzzzzzz you know it turns out that pirate lingo is actually not that interesting. sorry.


(surprisingly difficult to find. in the interesting of furthering the vast universal library of poo we call the Internet, i hereby reproduce this list. source)

Burn the British: Gimme an English muffin
Draw one in the Dark: A black coffee
Balloon Juice: Seltzer
An M.D.: A Dr. Pepper
Hold the hail: No ice
Wreck 'em: Scrambled eggs
Sweep the kitchen: A plate of hash
Adam and Eve on a raft: Two poached eggs on toast
A spot with a twist: A cup of tea with lemon
Bossy in a Bowl: Beef stew
A Blonde with Sand: Coffee with cream and sugar
Break It and Shake It: Add an egg to a drink
A Stack of Vermont: Pancakes with maple syrup.
Million on a Platter: A plate of baked beans
A White Cow: A vanilla milkshake
Let it Walk: It's to go
Noah's Boy on Bread: A ham sandwich
A Murphy: A potato
Nervous Pudding: jello
Paint a Bow-wow Red: Gimme a hot dog with ketchup
Eve with a lid: A piece of apple pie
Burn one, take it through the garden, and pin a rose on it: A burger with lettuce and onion
Mike and Ike: Salt and pepper shakers
Angels on Horseback: Oysters rolled in bacon and placed on toast
Cow Paste: Butter
Lighthouse: Bottle of ketchup
Hounds on an Island: Franks and beans
Frog Sticks: French fries
Houseboat: A banana split
Wax: American cheese
Fry Two, let the sun shine: 2 fried eggs with unbroken yolks
Throw it in the Mud: Add chocolate syrup
Hug One: Squeeze a glass of orange juice
Life Preservers: Doughnuts
Put out the lights and cry: An order of liver and onions
One from the Alps: A Swiss cheese sandwich
Put a Hat on It: Add ice cream
A Splash of Red Noise: A bowl of tomato soup

haha this list is so ridiculous. the more i think about it, the more i wonder if it's even real. why would you possibly call butter "cow paste"? it's not saving you any syllables! is it really easier to say "put a hat on it" than to say "with ice cream"? i'm going to investigate this.

wouldn't it be funny if i started using this lingo at the cafe where i work?

customer: i'd like a coffee with cream...
me: gimme a blonde with sand!
coworker: what?
me: you know... a blonde... with sand...
coworker: not following ya, boss.
coworker: don't yell at me!
me: why you gotta playa hate?
coworker: so it's like that?
me: yeah, it's like that
coworker: (draws)
me: (i draw faster, blow him/her away, splattering bits of brain and blood all over the espresso machine, which i'm going to have to clean later... this sucks...)
customer: can i get that coffee to go?

that vignette had very little to do with short-order cook lingo, now that i think about it.

* trust me, you would be astonished how many google searches for "pirate lingo" lead here... who are these people? why do they want to know pirate lingo? and while we're on the subject, what's up with the people who do like 10 searches per day for "soleil moon fry" (the kid who played punky brewster)? i have this image of some creepy stalker dude lurking in his bedroom, who has constructed a shrine to punky brewster and constantly roams the internet searching for new pictures of her to add... the only reason this page even comes up for that search is cos of one stupid joke i made a while back. curse that joke.

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