07.22.02 - 11:15 p.m.

i had a great weekend, and i hope you did too. on the verge of zzz, but it's now or never for compulsive note taking. (remind me to tell you about this guy we were reading about, who's been keeping a journal of literally EVERY MINUTE of his life for years now. he's not a performance artist; he's just crazy. but the point is that everyone keeping a journal is afflicted with that disease to some degree.)

FRI: laura and i met up in north beach for dinner. we cleverly picked a random italian restaurant located directly on columbus (a heavily trafficked tourist boulevard). a capital idea! what could go wrong? ha! ha! ha! it was a great meal, if you discount the food, the atmosphere, the service and the hives that broke out on the back of my neck. the wine tasted like vinegar, the pasta was so devoid of flavor that i had to dump half a shaker of salt on top just to make it register on my palette, and, most egregiously, the restaurant's stereo system continuously blasted a medley of crowd-pleasing hits such as sir mix-a-lot's "baby got back".

"baby got back."

in an ITALIAN RESTAURANT!! even the olive garden would find that gauche. call me an effete snob if you will, but i firmly believe that a restaurant cannot simultaneously function as a discoteque. i meant to write down the name of the place so we could organize a boycott or sneak back later and commit charitable arson, but in our rush to escape i forgot.

it's harder to do this blow by blow than it used to be. i don't know why; maybe just cos my eyelids are drooping. anyway after dinner we met up w/ everybody at josie's americorps graduation party. not much to say there except we continued trying to talk to strangers. i have this compulsive desire to meet people. someone will catch my eye at a bar, at a concert, in a club, on BART, but in such situations i become hopelessly shy. the other day i was on bart and some australian guy started talking to me. it's rare to see strangers talk on public transportation, maybe because the assumption you make is that any stranger who starts talking to you must be a psycho. but i was glad that aussie lad struck up the conversation. it made me wonder if other people would be glad too. or if they just want to be left alone in their commuter bubble.

how did i get back? ah with shrey and lynn. i was slightly sozzled, not too much but enough to share with them the thought i was having at just that moment, which was that when you're 16 and reading camus and feeling all Existential, you ask yourself what's the point of life? why should you get up in the morning? and then somehow that question fades away, maybe because you get busy, or you fall in love. but does love give your life purpose, or is it just a wonderful distraction? it's not like the existential questions magically disappeared, did they? i don't worry about it a lot, just once in a blue moon. hiding from the fundamental pointlessness of it all. haha i bet shrey & lynn were happy to get me home & out of the car. "but wait, let's discuss sartre! come back!"

SAT. i got up early and headed over to d.'s apartment. i have been distracted enough w/ thoughts of her that initialed status now seems appropriate. i had forgotten what it feels like to start falling for someone. on the one hand, existential questions fall to the wayside and your IQ drops a blissful 20 points. on the other hand, all these insecurities start to manifest. what if they decide not to like you anymore? what if you like them too much. what if getting close results in a transformation that defeats what the other person saw in you in the first place? and on, and on. naught to be done but take as it comes.

we ended up biking to golden gate and having tea at the japanese tea garden. i'd never done that before. our bored teenage tea hostess smacked gum noisily as we ordered. although one could complain about the lack of authenticity, i was simply grateful that they weren't playing sir-mix-a-lot.

#93,302 in a series: golden carp in shallow water, under a swelling grey sky. no end to what is new.

we split up after that cos i had a racquetball appointment with dr. shawn. ok, get ready for some thrilling news kids. I WON A GAME! in the year (two years? it might be closer to two) that i've been playing him, i've *never* won a game. that was a sweet feeling. and, with every victory, the gap between us grows ever smaller.

	WINS	LOSSES
Shawn	943	1
ME	1	943

fig a: I'M GAININ ON YA, GALLAGHER!

ok so then back to d.'s and after two manhole sized slices of serrano's pizza we headed off to meet everybody at the top for 4-hero. one of my personality flaws is that i get really antsy about being late to things, even though my previously experiences have overwhelmingly proven to be that i get to things too early. a voice in my head always says "yeah, but you're gonna miss it! it'll be too crowded/full/sold out." so d. and i show up at 11 and of course there's NOBODY there. tumbleweeds blowing across the dance floor. eventually people showed up. even andyk and seema made a visit. i made fun of her cab driver's hat. 4-hero is apparently no longer a drum n bass DJ. he's moved on to 'broken beat', which i couldn't really tell you much about, except that it sounds like house mixed with r&b and my hands were not in the air. the top's no good for shows where lots of people show up. the dancefloor is about the size of a good walk-in closet. at least a walk-in closet gives you free coat check.

despite the mass of people, it was good to see everybody, and i was getting into the swing of things when 1:30 rolled around and they started herding people out. can you believe that almost everything in SF closes at 2? are new york and las vegas the only sane cities in america? 2 is not very late when whiskey and women are about. (i dont even really know why i said that, except i wanted to alliterate. i might as well have said "wombats and wookies".)

SUN: d's cat bill is a total slut. he sleeps over at random people's houses, and because of this, she got an invitation to a brunch get together thrown by her neighbors. (her # is on bill's tag, like a cat business card) we spent the morning in their lovely backyard, drowsy in the sun, drinking mojitos and eating french toast and talking about city politics & transvestite movies. oh and i met this guy, ian, who knows the author of the book i'm reading! (geography of nowhere). he says james k. (the author) is a total loudmouth. i was impressed. some of the brunch people were from rockridge, so perhaps i will finally get to hang out with some east bay people. if i email them that is. it seems lame to email people and say "hello, please invite me to parties." haha that will be the full text of the message i send.

revolutionary art cafe : a dog stared at us as we drank coffee. there seemed to be lots of dogs about this weekend. i don't pay attention to them when i'm alone, but d. always notices animals and plants. it's interesting to hang out with someone who sees the world differently.

after an intense session of yoga, some people burst into tears. not exactly from joy, nor sadness.

lemongrass tofu, then the weekend ended at Galaxy. jeff was spinning for scatter (techno night) and I was overjoyed to hear techno out somewhere. no broken beat, no disco house, just dark intense boom boom boom. some of it was minimal? i don't know, it was damn good however you choose to label it. i danced some with amy. she is a little pixie & her manic enthusiasm is contagious. sandeep's friend had just started his residency & as he drove me back afterwards, he told me that he works 100 hr weeks and that this was one of the 4 days off that he got this month. i told him i was glad he came, & i was, even though i didn't know the first thing about him. in the past i have been told that i am not an especially energetic person. but i admire spirit & energy, & aspire to keep going out even when work starts to grind. probably i won't, but if he can do it, so can i.

more or less that brings us to now. i worked until 9 today, ate sushi, tried to figure out what the hell an "analysis of variance" is. recipe for std deviation: for each # in set, subtract # from mean, square it, add to running total. when done, divide by # of elements in set, then take square root. add garnish and serve! ok there are bats flying around my head, let me get off computer NOW