Journal of Pirate Lingo*


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07.11.03 - 3:25 p.m.

Cellphone Game Review Korner

with your host, Amar

This week I'm reviewing the 3 games that come with my Samsung A-460. Reviews are on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a game so fun that you invent a new religion based on it, and 1 being a game that is less fun than repeatedly bashing the phone against your forehead.


In this game you control a ribbon that moves continuously forward while slowly falling in a downward arc due to gravity. By pressing 'up', you can fight against gravity and make the ribbon take an upward arc. The object is to keep the ribbon going as long as possible without hitting the ceiling, floor or any of the vertical obstacles that appear as you move forward.

On the plus side, the control schema is pretty easy to remember ("press UP to go UP"). On the minus side, you'd have to be retarded to sustain interest in this for more than 30 seconds.


In Spider Hunter you play a hunter of spiders, only instead of hunting with a bow and arrow or rifle, and setting up elaborate 'spider blinds' and decoys and whatnot, you simply sit there and wait for spiders to crawl from right to left, and when the moment is right you push flowerpots down to crush them. It's 'spider hunting' in the same sense that fishing is 'fish hunting': basically just an excuse to sit on your ass and drink beer. You can almost see the little virtual coors light cans in the background.

This is a very stupid game.


In Push Push you play a little dude (perhaps related to the spider hunter? but much more active) who has to push balls through mazes in order to cover up little houses. You can move up, down, left, right, and you can push a ball if there's a space on the other side of it. Those are the only rules.

fig a: is he an owl? why is he pushing balls onto houses? oh who cares

You wouldn't believe how many configurations they can get out of those rules, though! The puzzles can be fiendishly complicated, but they're not so hard that you just give up. I found a site that lists answers, but I'm proud to say I haven't cheated yet. Up to level 25, and only 25 more to go. Push Push is surprisingly addictive, and just as "when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail", when you play Push Push your first solution to any real life problem tends to involve pushing. You'd be surprised how effective this problem solving method is-- just the other day my landlord was asking for rent, and I didn't have it, so I pushed him out the window.

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