24.10.01 - 4:15 a.m.
Dinner at Dana's yesterday-- all hail Indie Rock Mom!
She showed me these bowls from when she used to do ceramics
We played my Hall & Oates on her record player
She made vegetable soup with brussels sprouts, apple crisp and salad
She's a sweetie
Dinner with Alex & Alice tonight
We ate Thai food
We failed to defeat Megaman X
They helped me get the pictures off my camera
Wall in the mission district
I'm getting high every night. I think I am just stressing
in multiple directions, between saying goodbye to everybody and
breaking up with A. and getting ready to leave.
In the days before any departure, I begin to feel a frantic desire
to do nothing. I behave as though days are endless. I act as though
I weren't going. This denial is both fear of the unknown and a desire
not to open my eyes till the rollercoaster climbs to the top.
When I start thinking about rollercoasters climbing and plunging,
I hesitate to write it because it sounds melodramatic. But I am trying
harder to abandon pretense and say what I feel, because my distaste
for melodrama is exceeded only by my fear that it conceals an
inability to express (or even experience) real emotions or feelings.
I AM FEELING CONFUSED AND NERVOUS AND SAD!
Haha, it's almost 4:20.
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