Journal of Pirate Lingo*


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* not an actual journal
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16.08.01 - 2:33 p.m.

I feel so stretched out today. We had a substitute yoga teacher last night and she worked us mercilessly. She teaches "Ashtanga" yoga, which moves at a much quicker pace than the style we normally do. She kept barking orders at us, contorting her impossibly lithe body into poses that 90% of the class could only boggle at. For instance, try turning onto your side, in the fetal position, and then lifting yourself off the ground by pushing down with your palms. Can you do this? Hell no you can't do this! Only yoga-teachers can do this!

Nevertheless I'm happy today because I can actually remember some of the poses. My goal is to get to the point where I've learned enough yoga moves that I don't need to go to class anymore, I can just do it at home. And then I won't have to listen to the asinine "boom boom boom" music they play at ear splitting volume in my gym. Nothing destroys inner peace faster than a deafening hi-NRG remix of "Celebrate".

SIGN OF THE TIMES: there's this chinese restaurant called Venture Frogs, in the same building as my gym. Their big gimmick was that all of their menu items were named after dot-coms/tech companies, e.g. "Oracle Spicy Chicken" or "Yahoo Spring Rolls". (Pause for gagging.) Anyway i was looking at their menu last night and they got rid of all the dot com names! It's a shame really. I'm going to miss the " Potstickers"

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